Light in the Darkness
by AxCfangirl
Summary: "So our names are similar, right?" Her eyes twinkled. "Both fire and dawn bring light to the darkness of the night." He smiled. BUT YOU ARE BRIGHTER.


English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

And for your information, my fic is based on the remastered version (but I watched the original version, too).

 **Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.**

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 **Light in the Darkness**

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Looking at the blackness full of stars—and remains of mobile suits and warships, and even human bodies—Athrun released a sigh for the umpteenth time.

The war was over. Peace was being restored. However, it didn't change the fact that so many people had left this universe because of the war, of the hatred between Coordinators and Naturals. Because of his father. Because of him.

Couldn't he have done more? He could have stopped his father if he had been more attentive and found out his father's true intention earlier, couldn't he? Then, probably not as many people would have had to die. Even his father might still be alive...if only he had realized his misbelief and taken action earlier. If only he had acted differently. If only he had known better. If only he had been a better son, a better person.

He felt he was responsible for much more deaths than the number of people he had actually killed. The feelings of guilt and remorse always lingered in his mind. He couldn't help being often consumed with negative emotions.

The current situation made it worse. As much as he was happy about this peace, the lack of conflicts made it harder for him to deal with his feelings. There were simply too much time and too little work to do, too few ways to distract himself.

He was more than happy to help mechanics, and had been spending a long time doing it. But the busiest time had passed. And Lacus, as the captain of the Eternal, had given him an order to take some rest. Even though he still had come up with a few excuses to work, he had been shut out of the hangar by mechanics, many of whom were Lacus's admirers.

He wasn't even allowed to enter the training room, and thus had nothing to do but reflect on the past.

He had thought leaving his room might help, but apparently it hadn't. Still, he didn't feel like going back to the quiet solitude of his room, which would only worsen his mood. Although he didn't feel like going to the cafeteria, where people were always hanging around, or talking with other people, either, he felt a little better being here, where he heard people passing by from time to time. Here he could at least find some distractions, even though they weren't enough. Or distractions could find him.

Somehow his mind wandered to another time he had been thinking about his father, the time a certain golden-haired girl had come to reprimand him...

"Athrun."

He blinked at the sound of his name, and turned around to find the very person who had been in his mind.

"Cagalli?" he called out, half suspecting he was seeing things.

But the girl whisking through the air toward him seemed too lively to be a hallucination. Her hand, which grabbed the hand he had automatically held out to support her, was also too warm.

"I was looking for you. Lacus said, you've been working hard without many breaks," she explained, releasing his hand.

"Oh...well, I'm taking a rest now, as you can see," he answered, his hand suddenly feeling cold.

"Right. But..." She stopped and frowned. "You were doing it again, weren't you?"

Confused, he asked back, "Doing what?"

"Thinking like a hamster," she said assertively.

"Um..."

"Were you thinking about your father?" She was more confirming than questioning.

After a few moments, he looked away with a sigh. "I can't help it." His voice sounded more defensive than he had intended.

"I know." Her words were simple and sincere. "You don't have to do it alone, though. You can talk to me, and...well, Kira probably can't help you now..." Her voice trailed off, and he shifted his eyes to her face filled with worry.

His face mirrored hers. Since coming back from the final battle, Kira had not been feeling well and rested in his room most of the time. According to the doctor, it was more of a mental problem rather than a physical one, and there was little cure; Kira mostly needed time to heal his psychological wounds. So they were trying to let Kira rest as much as he needed and cheer him up when he felt well enough to come out of the room.

She shook her head as if shaking her thought off and continued, "But I'm sure Lacus is willing to listen, too.

"And Dearka...I guess," she added uncertainly, and then pulled a face. "Though I totally understand if you don't want to talk to him since he'll surely make some irritating comments."

The corner of his mouth slightly turned upward. Dearka seemed to have found fun in teasing and annoying her like he used to do with Yzak. Although Athrun couldn't exactly say he liked watching it, since it made him somewhat uneasy and want to intervene, her reaction was still funny.

"On second thought, forget Dearka. Lacus would be a much better person to talk to," Cagalli stated.

To tell the truth, he was as reluctant to talk to Lacus about his feelings as he was to Dearka. As much as he trusted them with his life, he didn't feel connected with them like he did with Cagalli and Kira. However, he wasn't going to say it to Cagalli. He had already shown enough weaknesses to her, and he wanted to save some face.

So he opted to explain another reason. "I suppose so. But I don't want to burden either you or Lacus." In addition to his unwillingness to trouble other people with his problems, both girls already had more than enough on their plates.

"You make us more worried when you are saying nothing but clearly dwelling on the negative."

"...Am I that obvious?"

"Didn't you know?"

He averted his face, at a loss what to say.

She let out a breath. "You are such a high-maintenance person," she said like she was merely stating a fact.

His whole life, he had been a good boy and a model student. A child whose example adults told other children to follow. He had been the mature one almost always. Cagalli was probably the first person who had treated him as if he was some kind of troublesome child.

Normally he would have been offended, and it was still a little annoying. But at the same time, her attitude felt...relaxing. He knew she was only concerned about him, not judging or looking down on him. And with her, he didn't have to keep up appearances. Even if he showed his flaws and weaknesses, she wouldn't be disappointed. He knew she would simply accept them.

It wasn't to say that he didn't try to still keep up appearances as much as possible. Trying to do so was his second—or first, he wasn't sure—nature. A part of him even felt like doing it more in front of her since she was a special girl to him. But it was relieving to know he could stop doing it when he wanted to or couldn't continue.

"I wonder if that's why you are good at making robots like Haros?" she mused, tilting her head to the side.

He stared at her. "What?" Her comment was completely unexpected, and above his head.

"I think it makes sense. You are high-maintenance yourself, so you are good at making high-maintenance gadgets."

Honestly, he didn't know how to respond. "Ah...does it?" They were the only words he could manage.

"Yeah, it does." She looked satisfied with her theory, a smile on her lips. As he looked at the smile, his face also melted into one, and he gave up trying to argue with her. Not that he knew how even if he wanted to.

He realized his body felt lighter. The matter of his wrongdoings and his father's wrongdoings had not been erased from his mind, of course, but had been pushed to the back. He didn't feel as bad as before.

She was so full of life that it seemed just being around her could lift his spirits.

Then, a question occurred to him. "Why are you on the Eternal by the way?"

"Don't change the subject." She narrowed her eyes at him accusingly.

"I didn't mean—and aren't you the one who did it first?"

"No. I got off the subject a little. But you are changing the subject," she returned firmly.

"Hm, if you say so." He raised his eyebrows meaningfully, and wondered whether he could actually find a way to distract her. But it seemed difficult. She was staring at him with a serious face, silently prompting him to talk about what was bothering him.

"I..." He faltered before continuing, "I don't really want to talk about...it right now."

He already felt better, and didn't want to return to his previous thoughts. He rather wanted to talk about something else.

She studied him for a long moment before shrugging. "Fine. But try to talk to someone next time you feel down, okay?"

He nodded. "So are you going to tell me why you are here?"

"I came to see Lacus. We needed to discuss some stuff before the next conference with the Supreme Council."

It made sense. The Three Ships Alliance had been negotiating with current leaders of PLANT and the Earth Alliance about how they would be treated for their actions during the war, Cagalli and Lacus serving as primary delegates.

Cagalli and other members from Orb, in cooperation with the people left in the country, took part in the negotiation with the EA about restoring the autonomy of Orb as well. From what he had heard, she must have been busy, and he felt an urge to do something.

He opened his mouth to ask whether there was something he could help with, but Cagalli was quicker. "Hey, did you know Lacus's name means 'lake'?"

Taken aback by the sudden change of subject, he returned a short answer. "No."

"My name means 'watch fire.' Isn't it funny? Fire and water. Our names are exactly the opposite. Like our personalities." She gave an amused chuckle.

Even though they were quite different personality-wise, as she had just pointed out, Cagalli and Lacus somehow had gotten along very well, to his amazement. Then again, it might not be so surprising. Both girls were rather friendly, in different ways.

Kira also had mentioned they were somewhat similar, though he didn't really understand it. The only similarity between the girls he could think of, aside from being friendly, was that they sometimes did things beyond his imagination. Kira did, too. But Cagalli and Kira were usually easy to read or understand while Lacus was an almost complete mystery to him.

She turned curious eyes to him. "What about yours?"

"Mine?"

"Does your name mean anything?"

"Ah, it means 'dawn.'"

"Really? That's nice. Dawn is a symbol of hope."

He stared at her with surprise.

She quirked an eyebrow. "What? Did I say anything weird?"

"No. It's just...my mother said the same thing."

Her face softened at his answer. Touching his arm, she gently said, "Your name is a good name."

His face softened as well.

They silently stayed that way for a while before she spoke a little hesitantly. "Actually...it's my father who told me that."

He regarded her for a moment, and responded in a tone which he hoped was encouraging, "Is that so?"

"Yeah. You know Morgenrote, right?"

He gave her a nod.

"Its name means 'dawn,' too. When someone told me about it, my father was there and he said that." She took a pause, gazing off into the distance with a faraway look. Her eyes seemed to focus on something not here, not in the present.

She resumed slowly, "He said, it's a good name because Morgenrote is one of the largest companies in Orb and greatly helps Orb's economy. It helped Orb become an influential country. It gives us not only the power to protect Orb but also the voice to promote peace. Although it produces war weapons, he hoped it would give people hope by eventually helping bring peace, peace between Naturals and Coordinators, instead of encouraging us to fight each other."

Her face and voice were full of longing and love, and he couldn't help but envy her for being able to miss her father like that. He couldn't do it with his father, not just because his relationship with his father had been rough, but also because he couldn't get rid of the feeling that it was wrong of him to miss the man who had committed such sins. His father had been different from hers. His father had not been a person he could remember with such deep affection.

Unaware of his bitter thoughts, she went on in a voice rather sorrowful now, "Though it doesn't seem having such power is always great. It also invites troubles..." Her breath hitched. She closed her mouth, chewing her lip.

He fully turned his attention to her, and his heart constricted at the sight of unshed tears in her eyes. As strong as she was, she still had vulnerabilities, though she was never a weak person.

He wanted to comfort her, but he wasn't sure what to do. He had never been good at this kind of thing. He considered hugging her like he had before, like Kira had while consoling her.

However, he was somewhat embarrassed to do it deliberately, not impulsively. So he tentatively reached out to touch her arm like she had done to him a short time ago.

She started, as if awaken from a dream, and looked at him, then at his hand on her arm. She smiled sheepishly, blinking away the tears. "Um...I think I got carried away a bit. ...Thanks."

He gave back a relieved smile.

She closed the distance between them and leaned into him to place her head on his shoulder. His heart fluttered at the sudden contact, but he liked it.

Slowly, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her even closer. She didn't resist it and hugged him back. He quietly exhaled, enjoying the feel of her, which put him at ease. She was so soft, and so firm. His body grew warm as if her warmth filled him from head to toe.

After several minutes, he said, "Yours is good, too."

"Huh?" She looked up at his face.

"Your name. It's a nice name. It suits you."

She huffed. "Yeah. Many people say so. Since I'm a spitfire." She wore an offended face, but failed to keep amusement out of her voice and eyes.

"Actually, it's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?"

"I thought so because fire protects and guides people in the darkness." He had thought she was like the sun before, but he felt fire was better suited to representing her. "It's a name fit for a leader."

"I never thought it that way," she said thoughtfully and beamed. "I like that."

He gazed at her smile, his face tender.

"So our names are similar, right?" Her eyes twinkled like she had thought of something exciting. "Both fire and dawn bring light to the darkness of the night." Suddenly, she pouted. "Your name is better, though. The light of dawn completely chases away the darkness unlike fire."

He smiled, entertained by her childish manner. _B_ _ut you are brighter. Perhaps brighter than anything else_ _._ It was too embarrassing to say out loud, though.

So, instead he said, "But the light of dawn can't be used for battle."

Her face lit up. "You are right. Fire is more useful."

"And more dangerous," he added, a hint of mischief in his voice.

She lifted her eyebrows. "Are you calling me dangerous?"

"Maybe."

She had a smug face only to immediately turn it into a frown, probably sensing his intention of teasing her and not liking it. She looked like she was debating whether to be annoyed.

He watched her face, barely stifling a chuckle. Her rapidly changing expressions always made him amused and somewhat amazed. She was such an open book, which he loved.

Finally, she let out a huff. "Whatever."

She pushed herself away from him, and his face slightly fell at the loss of contact.

"Well, I'm going to check on Kira before returning to the Kusanagi. But you should take better care of your health, understood? I heard you've been skipping meals, too."

"Just because I don't go to the cafeteria, it doesn't mean I don't eat," he protested.

She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Having nutrition bars isn't exactly the same as having proper meals, you know."

"They are still food and provide me with nourishment just fine," he argued, though he didn't think it would convince her. Predictably, she wore a disapproving look, and he gave a sigh of surrender. "All right. I'll remember to go to the cafeteria more often."

An idea crossed his mind. "How about we are going there now and have"—he quickly flicked through memories and estimated the time—"supper together?" He didn't want to be alone yet. Or rather, he didn't want to part with her yet.

"Sure," she answered lightly, adding in a cheerful tone, "We should ask Lacus, too." Then her face turned concerned. "And maybe Kira feels well enough to join us, hopefully."

He smiled a soft smile at her. "I hope so, too."

She returned a smile, which he found endearing. It brightened him up further.

He reached out to take her hand. She blinked with a surprised face which was becoming red. Seeing it, he couldn't help smirking, though he himself was fighting off a blush.

She made an annoyed pout and turned around, pulling him forward. "Let's go already."

Although she deliberately kept her face turned away from him, she didn't try to shake off his hand, which deepened his smile.

Her warm hand in his own made him feel satisfied and comfortable—happy and safe. He securely tightened his grip. He was never going to let her slip away.

She was the light of his life. The light he had found in his darkest days. The fire that protected and guided him in the darkness.

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 **The End**

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 **A/N** : This was originally a part of "Night and Day." But I had to omit it because it was getting longer than I had thought and it didn't fit in. So I made it into a different fic.

Thank you for reading. If you wrote a review of "Night and Day" or any of my previous fics, thank you for that, too.

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To the guest reviewer of "Night and Day":

I'm not sure this is a good way to respond to you. I hope you'll read this fic, too.

Anyway, I agree Athrun thinks a lot, maybe too much. But it seems to me most of what he thinks about is how to conform to what others think or say or do and he hardly thinks about what he himself _actually_ thinks. ...OK, that sounds nonsense. But it's the feeling I get.

It seems like he usually thinks in the wrong direction, and therefore, has to keep just thinking without finding the answer. And that makes me think he thinks a lot, and yet he doesn't really think for himself (and face himself).

I also agree Athrun balances Cagalli. And she does him. They are quite different in some senses, and yet very alike in other senses, which makes them a perfect match. It's actually one of the things I tried to show in "Night and Day."

Well, thank you for the review!


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